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Okay, a lot of my recent posts have been crap. This blog is about my life as an Atenean, not a record of my... hang on, it IS a record of my college life. What it is not is a blow-by-blow account of everything that happens.

I never wrote a fifth week or sixth week post. If I'm not mistaken this Friday, August 5th, marks the end of my seventh week at the Ateneo. Seven weeks have passed and I have already had 3 long tests (two in Math--both passed, one in Chemistry just yesterday) and still have not received a freaking LETTER GRADE. Seriously, my O.B. classmates have been getting their B's, their A's, and I have NOTHING. I don't know my academic standing, and it's worrying me quite a bit because I don't know what to expect when I log on to my AISIS account and see my grades there.

In Math, Dr. Garces never gave us a syllabus. He said he would after the first two 'elimination' Long Tests, but I guess he forgot. He also forgot to assign a beadle, but that's not a problem because he erases his own work at the end of class. Like I said, he never gave us his syllabus, so I don't know how he grades. But I think I'm pretty much hovering around the C to B area.

Being a former straight-A (I actually am not, since O.B. doesn't give letter grades besides their E, AS, S, NI, P thingy, but you get the idea) student, it's still kinda hard to adjust to being one of the lower-ranked students in your Math class. I don't mean this in an arrogant way but, honestly, back in High school, I was one of the best in Math. We Math whizzes didn't study Math at all because once you were familiar with the concepts, the rest follow through. So what is so different about THIS Math? This freaking Math 18: Principles of Modern Math II?

I know the answer. That was a rhetorical question. The answer is that back in High school, we weren't trained to THINK. We were simply trained to answer the problem given, follow certain steps, taking note of certain rules. My Math Long Tests would almost never simply ask of us, 'what is x?' Instead, they will ask us some of the most impossible things to answer at first glance.

I can still vaguely remember my experience with the first Long Test. I tried answering the first, hit a snag, so I skipped and went to the second. The same thing happened again and again, until I realized I ran out of things to skip. That mental wall that you just hit triggers your panic mode. You start to think "oh my God, I can't answer a thing!" another voice in your head tells you you have probably an hour and a quarter left after your useless skipping. You mind starts getting blurry (I'm serious) and for a moment--just a moment--you forget totally everything. Your mind goes blank and you can already see yourself failing the test.

After snapping out of that, I started back at number 1. This time I got an answer, I moved on. Realizing that this could be solved by doing that, the rest just came naturally. Of course, I didn't get ALL the items, but I got enough to make me feel comfortable enough. I even guessed my exact score. I got 6 out of the 7 questions but my score was only 75 because I made a mistake in writing the final answer. Well, I knew when I was writing them that something was wrong anyway.

So my Math midterm is this Wednesday. The day before, Tuesday, is my 3rd Long Test, all about Functions. So far, I don't think they will cause me much trouble, because I have been able to answer much of the exercises given in the book. However, my Math teacher is Dr. Garces, one of the infamous GCF terror profs (though, as I have already said, I don't get the point because he seems really nice) and he does not give just any other Long Test. You see, the first two LT's are Departmental, since they are the elimination LT's, so it has to be fair for all of us. But after the shuffling of Ma 18 classes, the profs are free to do whatever LT's they want to.

This weekend I will be studying hard for my Math LT and Math midterm. I am thankful that I've been granted even just a little Math prowess from my genes, and from God. I only wish that my skills would have been honed even more in High school. Not that I'm dissing O.B. They just don't have a solid curriculum, that's all. I would have liked to know Math like this back in High school, rather than repeat a lot of the lessons. Although, 4th year Math was actually a lot related to my Math now.

Nobody reads my blogs, but if ever there were, I'm sorry for ranting about Math in almost every one of my posts. It could be an exaggeration, but it's a really huge chunk of what bothers a lot of us. So if you're a high school student, reading about Management Engineering, you'll know what's in store for you.

I remember during the Prep Course, one speaker told us to begin with the end in mind. Remember what and who I'm doing this for. I've been getting increasingly nervous because sometimes the 'end' in my mind is simply being rich and being the head of a multinational corporation. I had to remind myself that that is not my plan, my plan is to change the world. I am wise ENOUGH to know that you can't do that without money or power. You could, but what are the chances of that? I want to graduate ME so that I can finally start helping people.

Also, like that Tibetan Personality Test Paolo asked me take, I apparently value pride a lot. And perhaps that is true, but pride for the right reasons. Aaaand maybe a few bitter ones. Over the summer before college, when I met my relatives, they asked me what school I'd go to. I said Ateneo. Immediately, they were impressed. I guess my English teacher is right, the name does come with a certain effect. They asked what course. I replied with 'Management Engineering'. I hadn't expected my relatives to know what that was because, honestly, I didn't know what it was either, only that it was a hard course, that it offered a lot of job opportunities, and it brought in tons of money.

After my relatives found out I passed ME, they started talking about how good a course it was, and that, yeah, you could get a lot of money. I sat there quietly nodding as they gradually expounded into a wider range of topics (my uncle who graduated from a similar course but in La Salle) and I shifted out of the conversation. You COULD say that I am anti-social, but I just really don't talk to my relatives that much because I speak English and they speak in Kapampangan. Don't blame me, blame my parents for raising me in English.

And because I didn't speak in Kapampangan, my relatives hardly spoke to me as well. And I am at this unfortunate age where I am the second youngest of all my cousins, the youngest was in the fifth (now sixth) grade. So I wasn't the kid, and neither was I employed. So basically, they had nothing to talk to me about. Instead they fixated on my brother, the architect student. I have a cousin who's already an architect, so he and his family talk to my brother about all kinds of architect stuff. Meanwhile, I'm left to talk to the youngest cousin about kiddy stuff, which I am too old for already.

So my point here is, I guess I really want to graduate ME not only for the chance of earning money and having the opportunity to make a difference, but also because of my pride. If I graduate from ME, my relatives who think nothing of me but the girl who doesn't talk will start to look up to me because I'm freaking rich haha. So yeah, that's the pride part about graduating ME. I guess I'm not surprised that I'm focused so much on pride. I've never really had anything to be proud about--scratch that, I've never had anything to BOAST about. That's also because I'm an extremely humble person by nature. HAHAHA.

It's half-past ten at night. Tomorrow I will begin my studying in Math. I think I'll wake up early and grab some breakfast at McDo. This is my first time (I think) staying the weekend. I love the feeling of independence, but I also fear it. Typical teenager, eh?

Good night.