What was, what is, and what will be

No, don't worry, this is not a lesson in grammar (as much as I'd like to give a few to certain others), but--from what can be deduced from the title--it is the past, the present, and the future. Well, not in totality, of course. Just from a few days back to a few days forward.

The Past

This past week has been depressing, mainly due to receiving our advisory grades. Turns out I'm not doing so well. I just remembered that Honors Programs require a minimum of 2.5 QPI, and so far, I haven't reached that. Tan-tun-tuuuun. Well, I'm a 2.3--oh wait! I just computed, I'm a 2.53... that can't be right... well of course, I'd love to reach the minimum QPI. Well, anyway. It's only the advisory grades (they say), the final marks will be far from these (they say). I just have to work hard (ugh, typical) and do my best.

So I got a C in Chem lecture. Yeah. It's Chem lecture! And it's EASY! It's not super easy, but it's not something you get a C for. I know the answer to my C, by the way. And it ticks me off, too. You see, our seat works are made 'by pair', meaning you and your seat mate work on usually one or two problems each. You can already see where this is going. My seatmate is, to be polite, as duller than a rubber ball. And I don't mean dull as boring.

So imagine this, we're given five minutes to answer the two questions (per pair so that's just one question). I take the five minutes for my own question, of course, the teacher never makes it easy so I do need my time. I finish, look over to check if she's done, she gives me a blank look and asks me what to do. I cram the last few minutes to answer her, but of course I can't write the answer myself (we sit at the front, right in my teacher's line of sight) so I have to wait for her to write it down and then check, and then tell her what to do next, wait for her to calculate, wait for her to check her Periodic Table before I tell her the charge of Oxygen is -2.

Most of the time, I'm unable to help her in the time left so majority of OUR scores are only 50%, and sometimes a little more because of partial points. So, naturally, that merits a grade of C. And my 1st LE didn't go flawlessly, I only got a B, so that's still a C (somehow).

Big SIGH...

I think my teacher understands my situation now, though, because on the last paired seat work he only gave 1 item to work together with and I did it all on my own and just explained it to her afterward. And he may have noticed that my grade is a C, even though I know what I'm doing.

So that's the highlight of my advisory grades. Oh, and I got a C in Filipino--I was expecting a D. But yeah, Coroza curves well. I also got a C in Math (expected), and A in Chem Lab (soon to go down because of that disastrous lab reporting), and B's in English and Lit. My Lit grade is expected to be raised to an A because our beloved Ms. Torreon curved most of our seat works and quizzes. Also, she is currently rechecking our Midterm and gave no grade lower than a 7/10 in the essay portion. And based on the answers she discussed, I have gotten most correct.

The Present

The 4th Math LT is over, and I'm feeling slightly confident. I got some answers (I think) and I'm just eager for the results. I don't want to jinx it, or get my hopes too high, so I'll avoid talking about it here. Sorry for bringing it up in the first place, you just needed to know the present.

Tonight, we OB kids are having dinner at Shakey's for... nothing really. It's not really the celebration of Alex's birthday (tomorrow), it's probably like a celebration of the end of their 2nd LT and their midterm (also tomorrow), though 'celebration' may not be the right word.

We don't have the same Math, BTW. Mine is still Math 18.

There are some things I have to do today, like check how the Canadian Dollar is faring in the market (for AIESEC), and read The Company of Wolves (for Lit). Also, the last 2 days have been spent with minimal to virtually no Facebook, in preparation for my 4th LT. And I found it nice, studying more.

Proof of this: I spent last Monday afternoon reading my Filipino--take note, FILIPINO--hand-out to prepare for the following day's discussion on the poem 'Kahit Saan'. I read that thing like a boss! I understood every line, every metaphor, etc. Our prof came up late last Tuesday because of traffic, so today was supposed to be our first meeting for the week, but he didn't show up instead he sent his--what I like to imagine, "understudy" and she wrote down the exercise he left for us.

So earlier today, when I was packing my bag, I took out my purple folder where I keep all the readings (papers) because I know we don't have English or Lit today, so it would just be dead weight. I totally forgot that my Filipino hand-out was there as well, so I answered the seat work without my notes, but thank goodness I had spent all those hours studying 'Kahit Saan' so I didn't need it at all. I may have missed one metaphor about the bird, but since they were all saying the same thing, I don't think it mattered.

So moral of the story is: I'm going to start studying now.

Odd. I tried that back in high school, ended up stopping because I was effortlessly flying through rainbows then. Now is a different thing, I bet.

The (Near) Future

So on Monday, I am going to Marquee Mall to meet up with my high school batch mates. It's gonna be the first time to see some of them since graduation. I'm very excited to see Jill again.

This weekend is also a long, four-day one. And I am so happy about that. There is no long test to review for, so I can relax all four days. Unfortunately, this is the last scheduled holiday for the term. Unless of course, a major storm hits us and classes are further cancelled. Not that I... would want that to happen...

Of course, I need to plan my weekend accordingly. I can't afford to waste time. I'd love to play tennis, but Paolo isn't returning home until Sunday evening. I think I will start planning my weekend tomorrow after INTACT.

That's all for today. See you next time.

HELL WEEK INDEED

Oh, my God. What a week this has been.
You know, at first, I didn't even consider this a hell week. Because honestly, it was--I dare to say--just a long test followed by a midterm the next day. But boy, I never expected it to be this bad.

Let me start with the 3rd Long Test. I'm going to be honest with you right from the start. I failed it by 4 points. I guess I understand why I failed that test, but what annoys me the most is that I wasn't expecting it! When I was answering that test, it didn't feel like I was getting the wrong answers, but apparently there are hidden holes that Dr. Garces planted around his questions that brought my grade way down.

After receiving our papers, needless to say we were majorly depressed. We got our results the day after we took it, which was also the day of the midterm. So after Math class, my other depressed (hopefully average as well) friends and I went over to JSEC to attempt to study. We knew we were in dire need of a pull-up grade on the midterm later that evening.

After leaving Math class, I computer for my letter grade average. Including the 3rd LT, my average was a mind-effing C, borderline D. If I cancelled the 3rd LT, it would only get up to a C or a C+. That was no 'safe zone'. I badly need a B on the midterm. It's crazy to hope for anything higher now. I remember being so depressed, sitting on one of the metal JSEC chairs, staring into nothing, my stomach wanting to vacate its contents, my head swimming filling with worry.

So I did what I always do in these situations, which I think I have already mentioned previously in this blog. I told myself it didn't matter. I could still save the world without being an ME graduate. It would take a longer time, of course haha.

So I got to know the two bloc mates I was with better: Bridget and Lizle. Well, I hang out with Lizle pretty much all the time, so I got to know Bridget. She... somehow... makes me laugh. Or she makes me want to make her laugh. I noticed that when we were studying together in the library earlier that day. I couldn't concentrate because I kept shaking with laughter at some random funny noise I made, or some stupid thing we didn't see in our solution. So anyway, I found out more about her, like she plays the violin, she's interested in Volleyball but not part of their school's varsity (like me, but now not so much), she doesn't watch Filipino movies/shows (like me, although her reason is because her family doesn't allow her to watch non-Chinese shows on TV), and her favorite color is blue.

As we left JSEC, I was feeling much happier, more carefree. Shifting to Management wasn't the worst thing that could happen to you.

Let's skip to the time after the midterm. I was feeling pretty confident, but not smart. I know I didn't get a something-to-be-proud-of grade, but I felt like I could pass this thing. Yeah... unfortunately, when I woke up at 5AM today--I have no idea why, but I had one of those Jimmy Neutron Brain Blasts. I somehow realized that 2 of my answers were incorrect, and so I lay in bed for thirty minutes cursing myself for being so carelessly stupid. That's at most 40 points down the drain. And I still had to make room for errors! The most I could get now (but improbable) would be 160/200. And I really doubt that the rest of my answers are correct. I can reduce that to 140/200. I remember Lizle telling us we needed at least 130 something to get a grade of C+ so yeah, can you understand how I'm feeling now?

But enough about the midterms and long tests. Would you believe if I said that that was not the reason I call this week 'hell'? This week has been hell for us, not because of the tests, but because of our professors.

Prior to college, I've heard of horror stories about professors who fail you just for not liking you. That was one reason I was afraid of college, actually. Another thing, professors in college are horrible teachers. Some of them may just write stuff on the board and expect you to understand it on your own like *snap*. My friends have some of those kinds of professors. But I never imagined that... what would scare the crap out of me... was a walk-out from your teacher. Walk outs are... well, something dramatic. And I never expected it to come from Dr. Garces.

I worship Dr. Garces. His talent in Math is limitless, but he manages to remain down to earth. I have the utmost respect for him, and it breaks my heart that something like this has happened.

I won't go into the details, because I'm pretty sure this is something that the person involved would want to forget. Heck, all of us would rather forget this whole thing. No one meant to disrespect Dr. Garces, if that was what he was thinking. The last thing I ever want to do is disrespect a teacher. Ever since high school, I always had and gave respect for my teachers. And only those who deserved it. Which is why, Ms. Sarmiento, if you happen to come across this blog, please know that the reason your advisory class rebelled against you is because you lost our respect. But I'm not going into that either haha.

The sad fact is, Garces was one of the nicest professors ever. People call him 'terror' but only because of his tests. He's funny, tells funny stories, and teaches us good values. Good values... perhaps that's what set him off.

Many times, he has told us that if we were smart, if we were exceptionally brilliant geniuses, then just show it on paper. Don't ever act like you're the smartest in his class. Don't ever try to show off that you know everything. I hope he knows that we would never dare do that in his class.

Another painful thing is how cheerily he left us. He left with the same "okay, so see you Monday!" sort-of smile he gave us and walked out in that cute strut he has. I couldn't tell if he was angry inside, because his face certainly didn't show it. Neither did his voice. I think he was glad of the effect he had on us. My mouth was literally open in mid-laugh. None of us thought he was serious. Only two seconds after he had walked out did it drop on us like an atomic bomb.

Perhaps it slipped his mind that it was only Thursday today, and that we were going to have a meeting tomorrow. Hopefully he did forget, because if he didn't then that would mean he doesn't want to see us tomorrow, and there's a possibility that "Monday" could be any Monday.

So the plan is, we're going to go to the class as usual tomorrow, and if he doesn't come, we'll just study on our own in the classroom. Maybe he'll pity us then. But my bloc mate asked for advice from the upperclassmen, and they said we should sit-in on another class, preferably another terror, so that we can at least learn something more difficult because Garces is bound to increase the difficulty of our tests.

It's a really depressing thought. But I can't help but feel happy about one result. A few minutes after Dr. Garces walked out, the AMF students went their separate ways, but our bloc still stayed in. We just hung around, talking. Comforting. Worrying. When one of my bloc mates, Nico, urged us to play charades. I was Game Master, so I got to choose the words they would act out. It was a great Girls vs Boys game, race to 10 points. I loved how everyone was participating in the game, every boy and every girl had a turn. The girls won, of course, and that had nothing to do with my being Game Master at all... ;)

We finished playing at 12 noon. That was the time our class was supposed to end. I headed home feeling happier than I had ever been that week (except perhaps the time when I was laughing my head off with Bridget at the library). That is, until I heard what Jesse said about the other professor ordeal.

My science subject is Chem. My other bloc mates chose Physics. Every M-W-F, we have our classes beside each other every morning. Last Wednesday, perhaps around the time my eyes were failing me and I was starting to drift off to unconsciousness, Lizle could hear yelling coming from the other room. Our rooms aren't air conditioned, so we leave the doors open. Lizle sits at the back, and the Physics room is behind ours. Apparently their teacher was having a psycho meltdown.

I also won't go into the details, because I'd rather not mention names. But I can't understand how a professor would have the decency to call two of his students 'bitches' because they were talking loudly, others 'bullshit' for asking a question, or an offensive Filipino term for 'idiot' for coming from your high school!

I can't stand it when people of a higher position think they can do whatever they want! I imagine myself in that class, seeing and hearing him call two of my bloc mates 'bitches', or calling one of the smartest and nicest guys 'bullshit', or verbally attacking a student just because he came from Philippine Science High School... and I wonder if I'd defend them. My blood boiled when my other bloc mates told me what happened. But honestly, I wouldn't do anything. In my head, I'd tell the teacher to stop it. But in reality, I'd just sit there, clenching my fists, grinding my teeth, and sending the teacher death glares.

They were talking loudly. If it bothered him that much, he should have said something beforehand rather than doing what he did! Not only that, he treated the whole class as though they were idiots. Showing them how to spell his name... The professor flipped out so much, he gave them a 100 item quiz in 15 minutes, a 1000-word essay, 7 impossible problems to solve, all due that night.

I'm comparing the Physics ordeal to the Math ordeal. Since I'm not a Physics student, I don't know everything that happened so I can't judge which situation was worse. But I know this, I feel sorry for my Physics bloc mates who also had to endure Dr. Garces' walk-out. It seems like everything's just falling apart for them.

And so I end this poorly written blog on a sad note. Sure, the bloc bonding was great, but it was just a pain-reliever, it's now back to the pain. Hopefully Garces will have a good sleep on it, and try to understand that we didn't mean anything bad by what happened. I feel sorry for my bloc mates involved, because this will forever be etched in their memory.

And through all this, one word keeps popping up... "nadamay". This is an all for one and one for all thing. We're in this together, through the good and the bad. We've yet to see if that in itself is a good thing or a bad thing.

Pre-Midterm

In less than 12 hours, I will be having my first midterm in Math 18. We all know how hard that's gonna be. However, last night, I was answering the previous Midterms and one (if I'm not mistaken, it was the '08-'09 one) was so easy! I was able to answer most of the questions without needing to check if I was on the right track. I was surprised at how easy it was, and also afraid because I may lower my expectations for the midterm. I have a four-hour break in the morning, so I'm going to dedicate that to studying with my blocmates.

I must agree with what my English seatmate and friend, Sarah, said about Math for ME's last Monday. It does seem that ME students (the freshmen) think Math is the only subject they are taking. The rest are just easy, so focus on Math, right? Yeah, if only life were that simple...

Thank God my Lit teacher gave us a free cut so that we may have an hour to prepare for the midterm since our Lit class ends at 4:30 and our midterm was scheduled at 4:30 as well. To make things worse, our Lit class was at Bellarmine. Every Atenean knows that Bel is the farthest building from civilization.

I'm going to start getting ready in a few minutes. I don't feel like reviewing much anymore. I'm getting that feeling in high school, the feeling that, if you know all the concepts (in Math), you don't need to study anymore. I wonder what changed for college Math. I understand the concepts. I guess it's just that the questions have a clever way of making the concepts as useless as a sponge in a flood.

So anyway, wish me luck!

Refresh

Okay, a lot of my recent posts have been crap. This blog is about my life as an Atenean, not a record of my... hang on, it IS a record of my college life. What it is not is a blow-by-blow account of everything that happens.

I never wrote a fifth week or sixth week post. If I'm not mistaken this Friday, August 5th, marks the end of my seventh week at the Ateneo. Seven weeks have passed and I have already had 3 long tests (two in Math--both passed, one in Chemistry just yesterday) and still have not received a freaking LETTER GRADE. Seriously, my O.B. classmates have been getting their B's, their A's, and I have NOTHING. I don't know my academic standing, and it's worrying me quite a bit because I don't know what to expect when I log on to my AISIS account and see my grades there.

In Math, Dr. Garces never gave us a syllabus. He said he would after the first two 'elimination' Long Tests, but I guess he forgot. He also forgot to assign a beadle, but that's not a problem because he erases his own work at the end of class. Like I said, he never gave us his syllabus, so I don't know how he grades. But I think I'm pretty much hovering around the C to B area.

Being a former straight-A (I actually am not, since O.B. doesn't give letter grades besides their E, AS, S, NI, P thingy, but you get the idea) student, it's still kinda hard to adjust to being one of the lower-ranked students in your Math class. I don't mean this in an arrogant way but, honestly, back in High school, I was one of the best in Math. We Math whizzes didn't study Math at all because once you were familiar with the concepts, the rest follow through. So what is so different about THIS Math? This freaking Math 18: Principles of Modern Math II?

I know the answer. That was a rhetorical question. The answer is that back in High school, we weren't trained to THINK. We were simply trained to answer the problem given, follow certain steps, taking note of certain rules. My Math Long Tests would almost never simply ask of us, 'what is x?' Instead, they will ask us some of the most impossible things to answer at first glance.

I can still vaguely remember my experience with the first Long Test. I tried answering the first, hit a snag, so I skipped and went to the second. The same thing happened again and again, until I realized I ran out of things to skip. That mental wall that you just hit triggers your panic mode. You start to think "oh my God, I can't answer a thing!" another voice in your head tells you you have probably an hour and a quarter left after your useless skipping. You mind starts getting blurry (I'm serious) and for a moment--just a moment--you forget totally everything. Your mind goes blank and you can already see yourself failing the test.

After snapping out of that, I started back at number 1. This time I got an answer, I moved on. Realizing that this could be solved by doing that, the rest just came naturally. Of course, I didn't get ALL the items, but I got enough to make me feel comfortable enough. I even guessed my exact score. I got 6 out of the 7 questions but my score was only 75 because I made a mistake in writing the final answer. Well, I knew when I was writing them that something was wrong anyway.

So my Math midterm is this Wednesday. The day before, Tuesday, is my 3rd Long Test, all about Functions. So far, I don't think they will cause me much trouble, because I have been able to answer much of the exercises given in the book. However, my Math teacher is Dr. Garces, one of the infamous GCF terror profs (though, as I have already said, I don't get the point because he seems really nice) and he does not give just any other Long Test. You see, the first two LT's are Departmental, since they are the elimination LT's, so it has to be fair for all of us. But after the shuffling of Ma 18 classes, the profs are free to do whatever LT's they want to.

This weekend I will be studying hard for my Math LT and Math midterm. I am thankful that I've been granted even just a little Math prowess from my genes, and from God. I only wish that my skills would have been honed even more in High school. Not that I'm dissing O.B. They just don't have a solid curriculum, that's all. I would have liked to know Math like this back in High school, rather than repeat a lot of the lessons. Although, 4th year Math was actually a lot related to my Math now.

Nobody reads my blogs, but if ever there were, I'm sorry for ranting about Math in almost every one of my posts. It could be an exaggeration, but it's a really huge chunk of what bothers a lot of us. So if you're a high school student, reading about Management Engineering, you'll know what's in store for you.

I remember during the Prep Course, one speaker told us to begin with the end in mind. Remember what and who I'm doing this for. I've been getting increasingly nervous because sometimes the 'end' in my mind is simply being rich and being the head of a multinational corporation. I had to remind myself that that is not my plan, my plan is to change the world. I am wise ENOUGH to know that you can't do that without money or power. You could, but what are the chances of that? I want to graduate ME so that I can finally start helping people.

Also, like that Tibetan Personality Test Paolo asked me take, I apparently value pride a lot. And perhaps that is true, but pride for the right reasons. Aaaand maybe a few bitter ones. Over the summer before college, when I met my relatives, they asked me what school I'd go to. I said Ateneo. Immediately, they were impressed. I guess my English teacher is right, the name does come with a certain effect. They asked what course. I replied with 'Management Engineering'. I hadn't expected my relatives to know what that was because, honestly, I didn't know what it was either, only that it was a hard course, that it offered a lot of job opportunities, and it brought in tons of money.

After my relatives found out I passed ME, they started talking about how good a course it was, and that, yeah, you could get a lot of money. I sat there quietly nodding as they gradually expounded into a wider range of topics (my uncle who graduated from a similar course but in La Salle) and I shifted out of the conversation. You COULD say that I am anti-social, but I just really don't talk to my relatives that much because I speak English and they speak in Kapampangan. Don't blame me, blame my parents for raising me in English.

And because I didn't speak in Kapampangan, my relatives hardly spoke to me as well. And I am at this unfortunate age where I am the second youngest of all my cousins, the youngest was in the fifth (now sixth) grade. So I wasn't the kid, and neither was I employed. So basically, they had nothing to talk to me about. Instead they fixated on my brother, the architect student. I have a cousin who's already an architect, so he and his family talk to my brother about all kinds of architect stuff. Meanwhile, I'm left to talk to the youngest cousin about kiddy stuff, which I am too old for already.

So my point here is, I guess I really want to graduate ME not only for the chance of earning money and having the opportunity to make a difference, but also because of my pride. If I graduate from ME, my relatives who think nothing of me but the girl who doesn't talk will start to look up to me because I'm freaking rich haha. So yeah, that's the pride part about graduating ME. I guess I'm not surprised that I'm focused so much on pride. I've never really had anything to be proud about--scratch that, I've never had anything to BOAST about. That's also because I'm an extremely humble person by nature. HAHAHA.

It's half-past ten at night. Tomorrow I will begin my studying in Math. I think I'll wake up early and grab some breakfast at McDo. This is my first time (I think) staying the weekend. I love the feeling of independence, but I also fear it. Typical teenager, eh?

Good night.